Lucius got runned over by a thestral
by Strawberri Sins
Summary: Enough said!Its a very funny story of our dear lucius and his whackiness fun! Involes that cane of his! Read it for a good laugh,you wont be disapointed!It started out as one song...now I have added a new one! U pick it..i write it!
1. Lucius got runned over by a thestral

ok I do not own harry potter.Or this pretty little song by cletus...ok so i put up the song grandma got runned over by a reindeer...but i changed it a bit..so if u already know the song..skip on ahead to the little song fic..i changed the words of the song around a bit..its all about lucius!! hellz yea!ALthough he is the poor victum..i do love him!!  
  
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer  
  
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.  
  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.  
  
She'd been drinkin' too much eggnog,  
  
And we'd begged her not to go.  
  
But she'd left her medication,  
  
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.  
  
When they found her Christmas mornin',  
  
At the scene of the attack,   
  
There were hoof prints on her forehead,  
  
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer  
  
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.  
  
(On her way home)  
  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
(Say there's no Santa)  
  
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.  
  
(Lord, we believe)  
  
Now we're all so proud of Grandma,  
  
He's been takin' this so well.  
  
See him in there watchin' football,  
  
Drinkin beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.  
  
It's not Christmas without Grandma.  
  
All the family's dressed in black.  
  
And we just can't help but wonder:  
  
Should we open up her gifts or send them back?  
  
  
  
Grandma got runned over by a reindeer  
  
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.  
  
(Midnight before Christmas)  
  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
(Say there's no Santa)  
  
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.  
  
(Lord, we believe)  
  
Now the goose is on the table  
  
And the pudding made of fig.  
  
And a blue and silver candle  
  
That would have just matched the hair in grandma's wig.  
  
I've warned all my friends and neighbors.  
  
"Better watch out for yourselves.  
  
They should never give a license,  
  
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves."  
  
  
  
R: Grandma got runned over by a reindeer  
  
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.  
  
(Minding her own business)  
  
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,  
  
(What do you mean there's no Santa?)  
  
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.  
  
(Lord, we believe)  
  
Oh  
  
As for me and Grandpa, we believe.  
  
(We believe in Santa Claus.)   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Lucius got runned over by a thestral  
  
Walking home from our hogwarts half past three.)  
  
  
  
  
  
Lucius Malfoy walked around the great hall that early afternoon. He was dressed in black as always. He seemed to be handing out parchments with a black seal. His blonde hair flew behind him as he pushed it back over his shoulders. The cloak he wore seemed to engulf him when ever he stopped,but not as good as snapes seemed to do.Lucius just figured it was because snape needed it to shield his eyes from the light,and rain. Cant have a clean snape,now can we?  
  
  
  
(You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
  
But if u've seen dead people,then you'd believe)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He stopped at harry potter.  
  
"Here potter,this is from your fan club" He threw a pile of letters into harry potters lap.  
  
  
  
"But sir,these are death threats and hate letters from different deatheaters,and quite a few by you as well. Did you really take all this time to write to me?So sweet,Mr Malfoy,so sweet.   
  
Harry,Ron,Luna and Ginny all laughed loudly.  
  
((Where was hermione you ask?In the library where she damn well belongs.Out of the way of our fun.))  
  
Lucius picked up luna's mug of butter beer and gulped it down,going crazy he picked up each and every cup around the small group. A small slytherin came to him and tugged his robes. Lucius did a dramatic in slow motion whirl around .  
  
"Wh..what the hell is this?" he growled.  
  
The little boy whimpered..  
  
"I just i just wanted to tell i wanted to be just like you someday"   
  
WHACK   
  
  
  
Lucius hit him on the head his all mighty cane.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU! no one,,no one will ever be as evil or perfect or as pretty as me,although severus snape comes close."  
  
He grinned an evil Malfoy smirk at the potions master who in turned gagged. Lucius continued to play duck duck goose by whacking each student .  
  
(He'd been drinkin' too much Butterbeer,  
  
And we'd begged him ,yes, to go.)  
  
  
  
Finally Luna and Harry came up with a plan.   
  
The snuck out of the great hall that afternoon and went thestral huntin.  
  
They just happened to find a dead hermione and drug her by the hair to the forbidden forrest to use as bait.   
  
Back at hogwarts,Albus DumbleDore had asked Mr malfoy to leave.   
  
"Fine,fine you old fart, i will leave but not before I tell snape was a sexy bitch he is...O,well I have already said it havent i?"   
  
He threw his cane at Professor McGonagall-  
  
"here,youcrazy bitch,you need this more than me ,and made obscene gestures at her"  
  
(And he'd left his favorite whacking cane,  
  
And he stumbled out the hall into the snow.)  
  
He walked into the sun light. God how he wished it could always be dark.  
  
Damn sun,forget the boy who gets on my nerves and wont die even though he is only a little boy...we need to get rid of the sun!  
  
All the sudden he fell to the ground and the last thing he saw was Harry potter standing over him writing.  
  
(When they found him the next morning,  
  
At the scene of the attack, )  
  
  
  
Hmm...wonder who could have killed him.ALbus thought.So many people would have loved to see him dead.  
  
but now he had all this paper work to comeplete.   
  
How would he explainthe sudden death of the richest man and most powerfuldeatheater? Why blame it on Harry Potter of course.   
  
The little shit was always getting into trouble.  
  
(There were hoof prints on his forehead,  
  
And an incriminatin note from them,on his back.)   
  
Albus saw the letter and laughed. See what i mean,he thought.  
  
Well I supose there is only one thing We can do now.........he pulled out his magikal medicine.  
  
(Lucius got runned over by a thestral  
  
Walking home from hogwarts half past 3.  
  
(On his way to a DE meetin)  
  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
  
(Say there's no thestrals)  
  
But as for harry and luna, they believe .  
  
(yes, they believe))  
  
He let everyone know,and draco seemed just fine. He was still smirking and using insults as a way to feel better.  
  
Even if he seemed to be laughing whenever someone said im so sorry your father is dead.   
  
(Now we're all so proud of draco,  
  
He's been takin' this so well.)  
  
  
  
I will kill him,I will make him the boy who died.   
  
Draco thought as he watched harry potter play quiditch with his girlfriend Ginny.   
  
"Hey Potter,Is that the only way to get some attention?The only thing u can do well is play quiditch,hey ginny,maybe you wouldnt be so poor if you werent such a tease. Betcha could make a ton of money,we all know how easy the rest of your brothers are."   
  
  
  
Ginny laughed"Yes,well you would know wouldnt you draco?"   
  
Draco threw the notebook at her.   
  
(See him over there watchin' quiditch,  
  
Drinkin butterbeer and picking on harry ,with crabbe n goyle.)  
  
  
  
The students and professors all looked at their mail that lucius had given them the day before. They knew what they were,either black mail or death threats or..for snapes case an undying love poem.   
  
(It's not hogwarts without the evil.  
  
the Malfoy's dressed in black.as always,  
  
And we just can't help but wonder:  
  
Should we open up his death threats or send them back? )  
  
ALbus dumbledore walked side by side with snape..."How do you think this happened?"   
  
Snape glared"Finally our littel celebraty(potter) Has done something right for a change.I wonder by the way,where ms. granger is?" He sniggered.   
  
Snape didnt possibly have anything to do with her disapearance...could the one thing potter did right was kill granger??or did snape do it??  
  
  
  
( lucius got runned over by a thestral  
  
Walking home from hogwarts half past 3.  
  
(the day before he was suposed to kill all mudbloods)  
  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
  
(Say there's no thestrals)  
  
But as for harry and luna, they believe.  
  
(yes, they believe))  
  
There was a great celbration in the great hall..with the banner across the top  
  
::DING DONG LUCIUS IS DEAD::  
  
(Now the party food is on the table  
  
And the whiskey fire to boot.)  
  
  
  
the place was plastered with wacky banners and mis matching colors. Bet Lucius was rolling over in his grave. Greens and pinks and yellows ...aweful..but they all guessed dumbledore was on one of his trips,they had all seen him smoking his magikal bong...  
  
""Its for my health""he stated...yeaaa right...we all know thats not a twinkle in his eye...its glazed over.......  
  
(And all the party decorations  
  
That wouldnot have matched to lucius's liking.)  
  
  
  
(I've warned all the death eaters and lord voldie.  
  
"Better watch out for yourselves.  
  
They should never give a license,  
  
To a lot of invisible thestrals with a thirst for blood.")   
  
Luna and harry decided that since no one would listen,they could get away with killing all the evil pple.  
  
But then Someone stopped him....   
  
"Harry, you would not be a hero and then i couldnt love you..so u have to not kill them" Ginny pouted.   
  
"Oh yes, i forgot,see ron,someone loves me besides me."  
  
( lucius got runned over by a thestral  
  
Walking home from our hogwarts half past 3.  
  
(thinking of whacking snape for fun)  
  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
  
(What do you mean ,there really are thestrals?)  
  
But as for harry and luna, we believe.  
  
(yes, they believe))  
  
Oh  
  
As for harry and luna, they believe.  
  
(yes,they sent them after him anyways.)   
  
ok what do u guys think?PLEASE REVIEW!!i may write more....if ur nice!!!!!!!! 


	2. THE SONG

OK THIS IS THE SONG.I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER OR GRANDMA GOT RUNNED OVER.

  
(((Lucius got runned over by a thestral  
Walking home from our hogwarts half past three  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
But if u've seen dead people,then you'd believe)))  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(((He'd been drinkin' too much Butterbeer,  
And we'd begged him ,yes, to go  
And he'd left his favorite whacking cane,  
And he stumbled out the hall into the snow.)))  
  


  
(((When they found him the next morning,  
At the scene of the attack,   
There were hoof prints on his forehead,  
And an incriminatin note from them,on his back.)))  
  


(((Lucius got runned over by a thestral  
Walking home from hogwarts half past 3.  
-On his way to a DE meetin-  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,

-Say there's no thestrals-  
But as for harry and luna, they believe .)))  
  
(yes, they believe))  


  
(((Now we're all so proud of draco,  
He's been takin' this so well  
See him over there watchin' quiditch,  
Drinkin butterbeer and picking on harry ,with crabbe n goyle.)))  


  
  
  
(((It's not hogwarts without the evil.  
the Malfoy's dressed in black.as always,  
And we just can't help but wonder:  
Should we open up his death threats or send them back? )))  
  
  
  
  
((( lucius got runned over by a thestral  
Walking home from hogwarts half past 3.  
-the day before he was suposed to kill all mud bloods-  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
-Say there's no thestrals-  
But as for harry and luna, they believe.  
(yes, they believe)))  


  
(((Now the party food is on the table  
And the whiskey fire to boot  
And all the party decorations  
That would just have clashed with malfoys black)))

  


(((I've warned all the death eaters and lord voldie.  
"Better watch out for yourselves.  
They should never give a license,  
To a lot of invisible thestrals with a thirst for blood.") ))  
  


  
  
((( lucius got runned over by a thestral  
Walking home from our hogwarts half past 3.  
-thinking of whacking snape for fun-  
You can say there's no such thing as thestrals,  
-What do you mean ,there really are thestrals?-  
But as for harry and luna, we believe.  
(yes, they believe)))  


  
Oh

  
  
As for harry and luna, they believe.  
  
(yes,they sent them after him anyways.)   


Thanks guys…please let me know what you all thinks!!


	3. Whack the halls with harrys bowels

**__**

Ok folks…my next installment….beware its not looking good for harry!!Let me know what u think!! Thanks to my reviewers!! I aim to please!!

This is the song Deck the halls……

Thanks to Phoenix for recommending it…any other suggestions???Review and lemme know!!

**__**

Lets whack harry in his head

Fa la la la la, la la la la

its too bad its not made of lead

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Dont we wish he just would die soon

Fa la la, la la la, la la la

I would laugh if he choked on a spoon

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Wish hed burn in a fire before us

Fa la la la la, la la la la

What songs we could make for the chorus

Fa la la la la, la la la la. 

Hope snape goes to extreme measures

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Let him die and we could steal his treasures 

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Maybe lucius will whack him in passing

****

Fa la la la la, la la la la. 

How Id love to throw him in a trash can

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Snape and lucius can beat him together

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Leave him to die in really cold weather

Fa la la la la, la la la la. 


	4. tHe WhAcKiN sOnG!

The chip monk song- now called the whacking song 

Ok here is the little story….Snape is giving whacking lessons by cane, to Lucius Malfoy,Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter. Hey..they signed up..don't ask..

(all right you dick heads! Ready to whack some more?) Snape

-Ill say we are! (Ginny) 

-YEA! (Lucius) 

-Lets sing it now! (Harry) 

Ready Ginny? 

-YEA! (she smiles nice and cheeky..she is drunk..Damn Draco and his stupid dares.)

Ready Lucius? 

-YEA! (obviously we all know why Lucius is here. He just loves to whack things)

Ready Harry?Harry?HARRY!! 

-F*** off 

(Harry is in a bad mood ..think its that time of month)

The group decided to sing the whacking song before getting started.

'Whacking, whacking time is near 

Time to whack u in the rear 

We've been patient but we cant last 

Want a nice hard whack -no loops 

Me i want to whack u in through a hoop 

We really do hate to wait 

Please lets whack before its 2 late '

(ok wangdoodles..get your canes ready) Snape shouts out to them as he throws them each a nice hard cane.

That was a nice bottom shot Ginny (as she smacked Lucius on the bottom of his thighs) 

-naturally (Ginny) She had always been good …being a chaser it was her job to whack things. 

nice and hard Lucius. 

-Lemme do it 'gain (Lucius) He just whack harry in the stomach.

Harry, yours was a little soft...harder next time. 

Harry?HArry?HARRY!!!!(harry was off shoving his cane up dumbledores butt) 

-F*** off(harry) 

'Want to whack Snape real hard 

Yea ,right into the court yard 

WE just want to whack away 

Please let us whack a cat we find is stray 

We will whack all night long 

As long as it is wrong! '

(Very good- Pimp sticks in the making. Lets whack some more! )Snape shouted.

YES!! let us whack you some more?((they all start whacking Snape..Ginny on his rear, Lucius on his knee caps and Harry. .well Harry is off with Dumbledore's smoking his magic bong..oo I mean pipe)) 

Snape has had enough "ok up..don't over do it.. I am getting sweaty and I do not want to shower) 

What do you mean don't over do it? (Ginny) 

WE want to do it again!! (Lucius) 

Now wait a minute you little F*uckers...(Snape) 

Why cants we whacks you agains (Ginny trying to be like gollum) 

Dumbledore's and Harry laugh as they are high...((see! SEE!! i told u..not a twinkle!!)) 

Harry keep out and smoke some more. And Ginny. Just give me time to get ready -

Lucius had started to whack Filch and Mrs. Norris 

Lucius-will you cut that out. Its not their turn yet! I do have a business to run!!.....

Ok that was real corny. But sometimes I just can not help myself. REVIEW!!! Any suggestions?


	5. Sevi the Snapeman

I do not own Harry Potter or Frosty the snowman,…..

OK kiddies....this is Sevi The Snapeman to the tune of frosty the snowman-- 

'Sevi the Snapeman was a hated nasty soul 

With a bong like pipe and a large hooked nose 

And beady eyes that look like coal' 

'Sevi the Snapeman is a horror story they say 

He was made with hate and the students 

Know how he smoked his bong all day 

There must have been some magic in that 

Old bong pipe they found' 

' For when they place it in his mouth 

He began to prance around 

O Sevi the snapeman 

Was as high as he could be 

And the students say he could yell 

and smell just the same as he did all the time '

'Smokin that junk junk 

Smokin that junk junk 

Look at Sevi go 

Smokin that junk junk 

Smokin that junk junk 

Sittin on the floor real low '

'Sevi the snapeman knew 

He was high that day, 

So he said 

"Lets run and 

We'll have some fun 

now before I puke away' 

'Down to Hogsmeade 

With his broomstick in his hand 

running here and there 

all around the square sayin catch me if u can' 

'He led them down the streets of town 

to make a pipe stash stop 

and he only paused a moment 

to go inside and shop' 

'For Sevi the Snapeman 

had to hurry on his way 

But he showed his ass sayin 

don't u cry- ill let u smoke someday '

'Smokin that junk junk 

Smokin that junk junk 

Look at Sevi smoke 

Smokin that junk junk 

Smokin that junk junk 

Now he is surely broke!! '

THE END! 

What did you think?????????????REVIEW!! PLEASE 

Oh and Thanks to all of my reviewers!!! I am so glad you enjoy it!! 


	6. my take on jingle bellsthanks to a dear ...

****

I do not own this song or Harry potter. Who would want him anyways? Two versions of my song!

James Pierpont - 1857

Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh   
Over the fields we go, laughing all the way;   
Bells on bob-tail ring, making spirits bright   
What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight 

Chorus 

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! 

  
O what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh   
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!   
O what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh 

  
A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride   
And soon Miss Fanny Bright, was seated by my side;   
The horse was lean and lank, misfortune seemed his lot;   
He got into a drifted bank and we got upsot   
(Chorus) 

A day or two ago, the story I must tell   
I went out on the snow, and on my back I fell;   
A gent was riding by, in a one-horse open sleigh   
He laughed as there I sprawling lie but quickly drove away   
(Chorus) 

Now the ground is white, go it while you're young   
Take the girls tonight, and sing this sleighing song;   
Just get a bob-tailed bay, two-forty as his speed   
Hitch him to an open sleigh and crack! you'll take the lead   
(Chorus) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

And not my take on it!

Shagging bells

Lucius walks through the snow, after one good lay   
twirling his cane, laughing all the way;   
Bells on Snapes' collar ring, making his cheeks bright   
What fun it is to bring Snape home with him tonight 

Chorus   
o what the hell, I don't care, ill shag him all the way!   
O what fun it is to ride Snape for the whole day  
he wont tell, if I yell! ,you know he wants it too  
O what fun it was to , bribe dumbledork today 

A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride   
And soon Severus Snape , was seated by my side;   
And he really had a stank, misfortune seemed his lot;   
He got high one day and threw up on his cot   
(Chorus) 

A day or two ago, the story I must tell   
I went to Hogwarts, and on his belly Snape fell;   
Harry was walking by, and we didn't know what to say   
He laughed as there I sprawling lie but quickly walked away   
(Chorus) 

Now the ground is white, go it while you're young   
Take Harry tonight, and torture him really long;   
Just do as I say, whip him with good speed   
Hitch him to an open sleigh and crack! you'll take the lead 

Or do u like this song better?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry is such a hoe, beat him with a cane today

Over his limp body we go, whacking him on our way

Peeves cell phone starts to ring, this was a funny sight

Oh what fun it was to sing Harry is gay tonight!

Harry's gay, Harry's gay, Lets beat him with a cane

Oh what fun it is to leave him bloody in the rain

Harry's gay, very bad lay, lets beat him in the head

Oh what fun it is to leave him almost dead.

A day or two ago. We agreed to use a cane

And soon we had a fight, over who was more insane

but that didn't mean we stopped, misfortune seemed his lot;   
we dropped him in a ditch and shoveled till we dropped

Ginny yells, bastard smells, hope he rots in hell  
O what fun it is to kick him where he lay   
Lucius yells, Harry smells, lets ava kava him all the way!   
O how I wish I could get rid of the boy who wont die today

  
A day or two ago, the story we must tell   
we left him naked in the snow , and laughing we fell;   
Dumbledork was riding by, smoking his pipe that day   
He laughed as Harry sprawling lie, his eyes twinkled n drove away 

****

Harry's gay, Harry's gay, Lets beat him with a cane

Oh what fun it is to leave him bloody in the rain

Harry's gay, Harry gay, lets beat him in the head

Oh what fun it is to leave him almost dead.

Now after our great fight, we sang out by his grave  
a party we had that night, and made peeves our slave;   
next victim - Filch who ran, two-forty as his speed   
steal His cat and crack! And whack em till they bleed 

Which one do you like better?. Although it is a good song. Jingle bells. I have other versions. If this isn't funny enough let me know I will see what I can do.


	7. Beginning to look alot like trouble

****

I do not own Harry potter or Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas. 

It's Beginning to Look Like Hogwarts

****

I'm beginning to look a lot like Sev'rus  
Ev'rywhere I go;   
Take a look at my greasy hair, glistening once again   
With a brain that's insane N' Shallow

  
I'm beginning to look a lot like Albus,   
Insane to the core,   
But the prettiest sight to see ,the headmaster as he'll be   
rolling on the floor

****

Brand new boots and a sane owl that hoots   
Is the wish of Ginny and Ron; 

  
Beasts that will talk and will go for a walk  
Is the hope of Hagrid's tonight;   
And Draco can hardly wait to pick a fight . 

  
I'm beginning to look a lot like Lucius   
Ev'rywhere I go;   
There is a cane in his hand, one in his cloak as well,   
The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the blow. 

  
I'm beginning to look a lot like Peeves;   
Soon my pranks will start,   
And the thing that will make them sting, is the glass bottles I will bring  
Right on top of your head.

Thank you once again to my reviewers. I am trying to get as many songs out before Christmas. Please Review. 


	8. Let It Blow

**__**

I do not own Harry Potter (little prick) or the song let it snow.

Let it blow

Oh, the pipe in his mouth is a sigh full,  
And the smell is not delightful,  
but since we all want a go,  
Breath in slow, then you blow, like so.

****

He doesn't show signs of stopping,  
And I brought some porn for watching;  
The lights are turned way down low,  
breath in slow, then you blow, like so.

****

When we finally get high that night,  
How I'll hate going back to the dorm;  
Hope draco cant put up a fight,  
Coz I will be to warn.

****

The high is slowly dying,  
And, all of us are mad and sighing,  
But as long as I get one more blow.  
Breath is slow, let it go, like so.

Ok this one wasn't as funny.. but its ok. .I will make up for it!


End file.
